Tuesday, November 10, 2009

Always moving forward

These few months in Dallas have been an enormous struggle filled with challenges and obstacles. I have had a few days where I didn't think I could go on. But somehow I persevered and I continue to move forward because I don't have a choice.

I went from two part-time jobs where I was running around, making a little money, staying busy...to having no job. It's not fun. I love to work.. I love to be busy. I have had a few interviews and I have a second interview with a great company so I look forward to meeting with them next week. Hopefully by the end of this month I will be employed and looking for my own place soon. I really have been through a lot, emotionally, so I am ready to have my own privacy back where I can just go home and relax by myself.

I began dating a guy, M, at the end of July. He seemed wonderful from the start but I found out very quickly he was an alcoholic. I eventually had to break it off with him because I couldn't stand to see him self-destruct while hurting me in the process. He decided that his drinking had taken over the past year of his life and stopped drinking cold turkey. He has been sober 7 weeks. I found out just yesterday that he had lied to me about something I had asked him about when we had gotten back together. I called him out on it. He denied it. I had proof. He called me crazy. The emotions I feel right now are raw. The pain I feel is enormous. This had been such a struggle for us to fight for our relationship and to find out he had lied to me is inexcusable and I will not tolerate it at all. To say I feel betrayed is an understatement. I have never met a person in my life who could deliberately hurt another person and not blink an eye in regret or remorse.

I am taking steps day-by-day, minute-by-minute. But not having a job doesn't make it easy when you sit at home all day. I have found a church and I have been attending almost every Tuesday; it gives me great strength when I leave after service. I am going to continue to focus on making new friends, find a job, and moving forward with my life...away from people like M who are just toxic and bring nothing great into my life.

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