January, really?

Wow, I didn't realize I was in that big of a blogging/life funk that my last post was in January. As in, one year ago. Whew. It's amazing how life throws so many curve balls that sometimes, one just wants to shut down...and I think that's what happened. I was in such a state of mild depression...it was too embarrassing to talk about..embarrassing, somewhat humiliated, and generally down...that I just didn't want to talk about it. But I should have...because that's life and reality and a lot of people go through what we did:

• college graduation = job uncertainty + student loan repayment + "Did we do the right thing?"
• Husband's unemployment to PRN/hourly work
• 2 months of separation
• Move to new state
• Housing instability + trying to rent out current house + looking for a new place
• The uncertainty of a new job for me while husband gets an amazing job

Does your head hurt yet? Mine does...so to put it out there. Husband graduated from grad school, finished his paid, part-time internship, picked up PRN hourly work, filled out approximately 50 job applications, and got picked up by the Feds. :) I'm not going to get too in detail with the job description but it's a mental health position working with an extremely difficult population.

While he got the job in August (super proud, just an FYI) he moved to Arizona..yes, I'm BACK in Tucson! in September while I stayed behind in Texas SLAVING hour after hour, weekend after weekend, prepping our home for potential renters. Honestly, I've never been more stressed out in my entire life. I've moved a lot in my life, but never have I had a move as difficult as this.

Husband moved here in the middle of September, I moved down here 2 months later..and as of 3 days ago, we JUST moved into a month-to-month rental until we buy a house. Oh, did I mention we put in a bid yesterday on a house? Crazy. I'm baaaaack. 

Signed,
Blessed and stressed

Tunnel vision

Apologies for not posting in a while. I've been extremely unmotivated lately. Frustrated. Stressed. Aggravated. You name it, that's what I've been going through. Dreading my job, dreaming about my job..even on the weekends. UGH. I feel like I can't escape it and I'm just over it. Right now I have tunnel vision on two major life changes:

1. Moving to England. I lived there from 2001-2007. I couldn't wait to move back to the States. I was over Europe, I was ready to get back to American culture. And then something happened. I moved home and thought, "Is this what I was missing? Ok, I'm over it. Send me back." And now, more than ever, I am dying to move overseas again. That is all I can think about...and sometimes dream about. (Except in my last dream I was 20 mins late for my flight and they wouldn't let me on...talk about nightmare..haha...) I know hubby has only until May 2011 until he is done with his Masters in Social Work, then it's on to get a job..either through Civil Service in the military or through a sponsored employer in England. Come hell or high water, this time next year, we will be there!

2. Starting a family. For the first time ever(And do I mean ever) I'm ready to have a baby...it's all I can think about. I've talked to husband about this and he says we need to focus on the plan (England) but I know we can do both...realistically it would be smarter to wait until we're overseas...but I want to at least start trying..maybe in a few months.

I've begun the process of purging like crazy. I took today off (4 day weekend, thankyouverymuch) and have done nothing but clean and purge. I'm hoping to have a yard sale this weekend to make a little money and get rid of things that just need to go elsewhere. I know what it is like to move and have too much stuff..and unless we get a civil service job where they will pay to move us, we need to downsize. Immediately.

So, that's what's going on right now, dear readers. Thank you for your patience. I think after my four day break from work, I can finally regroup and think again..ok, maybe not! :) But I'm going to try.

Sunday it is!

So I've rented my truck, pushed most of my belongings into the living room/kitchen area and have almost cleared out both bedrooms. It's official, I'm moving on Sunday! I'm picking up my truck tomorrow and will load it all day and then do some major cleaning. I dropped more stuff off at my used bookstore and at the Goodwill so I don't think any more trips are in order there. I really tried to purge as much as I could and think I did a good job.

I'm nervous because ex-boyfriend is working tomorrow so I have to pick up this 16 foot truck WITH the car dolly on the back and drive it all by myself. YIKES! I'm so used to driving my little Honda Civic that I hope I don't get into any accidents on the way home...

I'm really excited to see my parents and my nephew...but sad to be leaving some friends (including ex-boyfriend) behind...Trying not to think too much about it but it's inevitable...

I'd better get some sleep! I have a long two days ahead of me. :)

Moving is expensive and food for thought, literally.

Does someone want to pay for it? Because this whole $1200-1800 move does not make me happy. At all. :(

In other news, I'm canceling Nutrisystem, while I love their Apple Strudel Scone breakfast, pizza dinner, and desserts, I'm just done with it all. I have a whole month's worth of food at my parent's house waiting for me and I still have about 2 weeks worth of food here so I'm definitely going to use it, but right now I've found some new cookbooks and I really want to get back to cooking. My mom told me that she is going to give me her debit card to go grocery shopping. This helps her out because:

1. My parents don't cook. All my friends say, Oh aren't you excited to go home to Mom's cooking? And I say, Umm..what cooking? My parents, especially my mom, don't cook.
2. I loooove to grocery shop, my parents don't.
3. My parents don't enjoy cooking, I love to cook. It was so much fun to cook for my husband when we were married, being single it isn't as much fun, plus you have a TON of food leftover which can get old. Don't get me wrong, I love leftovers, but not for 2 weeks straight.
4. I can control (to a point) what my mom puts in her mouth. I can really help her find healthy eating habits and establish a healthy diet for her.
5. I'm going to be eating much better than pre-packaged meals and lots of yummy fresh fruits and veg and whole grains.
6. My parents eat out way too much. Probably 5+ times a week, I want to show them that preparing healthy food can be fast and affordable.
   

I don't get it..

My weight loss has stopped. I've plateaued and I don't know why. I'm mixing up my exercise, actually KICKING up my exercise to whole new levels and it hasn't budged in a while. I'm doing quite well on the Nutrisystem plan and trying to eat 100% most of the time, but of course sometimes I just want "normal" food (restaurant food) and so I'll go out and still eat healthy. I'm down 12 lbs and definitely one dress size so far so I know that the scale is not a good indicator all of the time but still, it's defeating sometimes when I was on a roll! I think I'm going to weigh myself once a week, starting Saturday and judge from there.

I also think I'm going to stop my NS shipments and start cooking again. I've gotten hooked on Cook Yourself Thin on Lifetime and found some of the recipes look so yummy! I also know this will help my mom as well if we work together and cook to create healthy meals; I really have a problem with portion control so this is definitely something to work on.

In the meantime I'm going to continue the exercise, all though this is my last week of my free trial.. boo.. I'm definitely excited to move to Dallas and start the gym there! :)

Still waiting..

And wondering what is going on, that's okay, I'm not being stagnant, I'm working on packing up the rest of my house and continuing planning the move. I'm hoping...hoping that I will depart Tucson on Sunday (yes, this Sunday). I'm really anxious to get out of here already!

In weight loss news I'm down 12lbs since starting Nutrisystem, all-in-all my parents are going to see about a 24lb weight loss since I last saw them at Christmas. I can't wait for their reaction. I feel so much better now and am still seeing my definition take more shape everyday. I joined a gym on a two-week free pass and have been Spinning; I did a lot of this in England and it's amazing how it just makes you feel so powerful during and after the class. The only way I can describe this is euphoric--if you've never been Spinning, I highly recommend it! I've also been doing workouts at the gym combining weights and cardio. I forgot how much I have missed the gym and can't wait to get my mom hooked on it too when I move to Dallas. Getting back into this groove really makes me think about going back to school to become a Dietician. I'm really knowledgeable about food and nutrition and great at preaching it, what I'm working on is practicing what I preach. I've thought about this for a number If for some reason the Air Force does not work out, I'm definitely going to pursue another Masters degree and then continue on and become a Personal Trainer as well; talk about a double threat!

I'm still off of sugar since Lent; I'm amazed that I was so addicted to sugar I would just binge a lot of the time and while those 40 days of Lent was definitely NOT the easiest thing I've ever done, I don't have the cravings any longer. I enjoy having my Nutrisystem treat at night and sometimes I don't even crave it or really want the sweets, I just eat it because it's on the plan. What an amazing transformation. I really can't get over that, I used to be a girl who had to have dessert EVERY single day and would eat chocolate several times a day.

In any event, I'm still looking for jobs, hopefully something comes through soon.

Things are in motion...

I'm almost packed up! :) I have just a few little things here and there to pack away and a yard sale that I need to get on (but hate trying to think about doing it...) but I'm trying to get on track. I really want to get out of Tucson as soon as possible because my family keeps asking when I'm coming down, and really, there is no point in sticking around except for my interview with the commander to continue my AF pursuit. In all actuality, I might just contact a recruiter in Dallas today to find out if she/he can help me finish everything!

Not much else exciting going on, just trying to get everything in order.. whew, I hate moving..

Since I've been gone...

I wish I could say to you that I've been crazy-busy running around like mad getting everything sorted. I really wish I could. But then I'd be lying. Truth of the matter is...I've been really lazy. I'm trying to get motivated to get things done, to do more things with my time, but I just can't. I suppose it comes from having satellite TV and no one around to support me through my move--but those are also just excuses.

I've been busy exercising for sure, no, I haven't neglected that. I'm sticking pretty much 100% to Nutrisystem right now and that has brought me down 10 1/2 pounds so far. I put on a pair of jeans the other day that I haven't fit into (well, didn't have to squeeze into) since I moved to Tucson almost two years ago. They fit so well, it's nice to have my old clothes back! On Sunday, I wore a top to breakfast with ex-boyfriend and it was like a tent and was falling off of my shoulders, literally falling off; no more wearing that top I guess! I feel better and let me tell you, running with the girls is actually getting to be fun right now! I enjoy our runs in the mornings or late evenings. I'm trying to get in exercise about three times a day--this includes running/and or walking with the girls, cardio/weights, and a bike ride. I think the more exercise I get, the days will go by faster and I won't feel so lazy watching marathons of The Real Housewives of New York City. Oops.

In any event, I'm going to try and add a day blog on my list of things to do! In the meantime, I'm going to try and hold myself accountable to this items that need to get done ASAP:

1. Stop by U-Haul store for packing paper.
2. Get Ruby to the groomers. She is looking ultra-shaggy.
3. Get yard sale items ready for yard sale (hopefully this weekend!)
4. Post yard sale notice on craigslist.
5. Continue to pack items and get at least 2 boxes done per day.
6. Organize file folders and get rid of unnecessary paperwork.

I was lucky enough to find a guy on craigslist who is going to give me his empty moving boxes; in all reality I really don't think I have that much left to pack inside the house; it's really the storage shed where a lot of crap is (crap that needs to go on the yard sale!). Whatever doesn't sell is for sure going to Goodwill--I really don't need to tote anything unnecessary to Texas with me.

In Air Force news, I should be going to Phoenix hopefully on Wednesday or Thursday to complete my physical. After this is complete I will have a meeting with my recruiter's commander and then my package is submitted to the board; then I will have my decision. I'm hoping to have my physical stuff and meeting done before I move, otherwise I will move to Texas and get it done then.

I promise I'll do better with posting. I hope you all are doing fabulous!

Lots going on.

So tomorrow is officially my last day of work, I'm turning in my notice! This means I have a little over a month to get packed and ready for my move to Dallas. The more I think about it the more excited I become.

1. Get to see my nephew as often as I want. My sister works 16hr shifts on the weekends so she has all week off!
2. My sister and I are going to train for a 5K. I somehow talked her into it.
3. I can help my mom get on track with healthy eating and exercise. I told her she's not going to like me very much but she'll get results.
4. I'm going to be living rent free in my parents very comfortable house; I'm excited about incorporating lots of swimming into my exercise.
5. I've applied for a number of jobs, I'm hoping I hear back soon from any of them.
6. I get to spend time with my family before I go into the military.
7. My very best friend in the whole wide world will be a very short 3.5 hours away. I can go see her every weekend if I want!

Oh, I will miss Tucson, miss the friends I'm going to be leaving, but I'm ready for my new start. New place, new job, new life. I have no strings on me!

Which brings me to another topic...I broke up with boyfriend on Saturday. It's a whole other blog but let's just say it was inevitable. He says he never wants to get married again and he does not want his own children (yet he has no problem dating a woman with kids?!). We're still going to remain friends, he owes me too much money. Haha. But I've been building myself up to this so it is not entirely devastating. It's sad that Tucson is a chapter of my life I'm going to close, but right now I have the world at my fingertips. I get to start over. How many people get to do that? I'm.starting.over. Fresh slate. And in a few months, I will become a commissioned officer and start my military career.

Tomorrow I want to get a boombox, put it on my shoulder circa 1985 and blast George Michael's Freedom.

Deciding what to do.

The time is coming closer..time for me to quit my job! :) I decided that May 1st is going to be the day. I figure this will give me a little under a month to get packed up and get prepared for my move to Dallas. My family is really excited, I'm getting there! I really wish things would have worked out with the County job, but what can I say? Timing is not right.

So I was doing some research yesterday about how I'm going to move. When my parents moved from Missouri to Texas, they used the PODS and were really satisfied with them. What better way to pack up your stuff and have some one else move it? I went on their website yesterday to get a quote. From Tucson to Dallas for their smallest POD (I think 10ft)--hold your breath. $1200! Are you kidding me?! Wow, what a way to say goodbye to my Emergency Fund. All this time and effort of saving this money to use as my living expenses until I find a job in Dallas...just to be used for moving. Ugh. I've done other research with U-Haul and it will be around $800-900 to drive a truck and tow my car. Man, I knew that moving was going to be expensive. This is just a blow to me...and my savings. I'm still going to figure out what is the cheapest, most effective method. My parents offered to drive here and help me move. I really don't want them to have to do that but maybe I'll take them up on their offer. My dad has a Pontiac Vibe so we could fit quite a bit of stuff in the back of his car..OR he would probably bring his Suburban and then we could fit a LOT of stuff in the back. Hmmmm...Any suggestions?

In other news, I've lost six pounds! I'm really adjusting to Nutrisystem and I love the way my body is starting to look. My abs are shrinking as are my thighs. When I went camping my friend who hadn't seen me in a year said that I didn't even look the same. She asked me what size I was and when I told her I was the same size, she told me that I looked like I had lost 20lbs! :) It was a good compliment, I'll take it. My shoulders and arms are really starting to get toned and my upper chest area is looking really great too. Amazing what some diligent exercise and portion control can do. :) I'm hoping to lose at least 10 more pounds before I move to Dallas to blow my family away. And I'm hoping before summer gets here I will be able to wear a bikini. My parents have an in-ground pool so I'm looking forward to adding swimming to my daily exercise.

Wow. Drama.

Lots of things have transpired in the past couple of days and so I have been majorly stressed out. Luckily, things are getting better and back on track.

Tuesday I had a meeting with my boss about going over numbers. I'm in education but my job is sales. I hate sales. I was not supposed to be here as long as I have been but I've stuck around, job searching in the process, waiting until my probation officer job got the funding. With my current job, you either get it or you don't. More specifically you either are a top performer or you're not. I'm not. I don't like my job, I don't enjoy my job, I don't like what I do. I tried real hard when I started but I've never clicked with what I do. I'm okay with that, I know I won't be here much longer anyway.

Anyway, I had to go meet with the Boss of the school and talk about my performance over the past year. She's new in her position so we don't know each other very well. I got written up about my performance and my low numbers. Eh. Doesn't bother me, it's business. If you don't do well, you're going to get written up. I'm fine with that. In the mean time, I'm required to do some training modules (easy stuff) and they told me I needed those completed by Monday. Ok, not a problem I told them. What DID bother me is that the Boss proceeds to patronize me, talking to me like I'm a 12 year old who doesn't know the importance of finishing homework on time. I wanted to punch her in her face. This is basically how the conversation went:

Her: "Now, you know you have to have those training modules done by Monday, right?"

Me: "Yes, not a problem"

Her: "Now you you know that it's your responsibility to have those completed. Your boss isn't going to be here on Thursday or Friday, if you can't get logged in for one reason or another, come to me and we'll get it figured out. If you can't get logged in and don't ask for help, you are responsible for having them completed by Monday, and that's not a good excuse."
Me: "I'm aware of that."

Her: "Now, if you work until 7pm on Monday, don't wait until 5pm to start them."

REALLY? REALLY? I'm 26. Not 12. I've had six years of post-secondary education. I've been on my own since I was 19. I've lived in Europe for six years. I think I know how to handle two little training modules. I think I know time management thankyouverymuch.

In any event, they're going to monitor my numbers and if they don't improve after 30days, they are going to figure out what to do next. I'm not too stressed about it. I guess that just means I move to Texas a few weeks earlier. Not a big deal. I'm debt free. I have a nice amount of savings. I was over my job a month after I started it.

Anyway, later that night, I called my mom and told her about what happened at work. I told her that I am thinking about moving to Texas when my lease is up at the end of May, but quitting on Good Friday (what a GOOOOOD Friday that will be!!!). With my job, when you give your two weeks, they say thank you very much, today is your last day. And you get two weeks of pay. :) So I'm just going to bank that and relax until my move. Nice, huh?

My mom proceeds to hound me about the dogs. This has been a major issue with her; my parents have never had dogs. They don't know what to expect. They feel that they'll probably pee or chew up everything and I've told her that they're well-trained, house trained, and they're lap dogs. They're excited when I come home and then they want to cuddle. They're like toddlers in furry bodies, don't worry, it will be fine. We got in this huge argument about her materialism and how when I say that I finally want to move home (after being away for over 8 years) it's what about the dogs, what about this? Instead of, come home and we'll figure it all out later. "But we've spent $150,000 fixing up this house so that it is where we like it. We're protecting our investment."

I see where she is coming from. I do. I'm not stupid but at the same time, I'm their daughter. I'm asking for help for the first time ever. And she's creating all of these obstacles in her head and it makes me sick. It makes me want to just say forget it and stay here. Boyfriend said I could move in with him (because without a job, surely I can't afford rent!) and then I'd put my stuff in storage. I don't know what to do at this point. Right now my focus should be on the AFOQT, not this crap. Ugh, I don't know what to do.