Apologies for not posting in a while. I've been extremely unmotivated lately. Frustrated. Stressed. Aggravated. You name it, that's what I've been going through. Dreading my job, dreaming about my job..even on the weekends. UGH. I feel like I can't escape it and I'm just over it. Right now I have tunnel vision on two major life changes:
1. Moving to England. I lived there from 2001-2007. I couldn't wait to move back to the States. I was over Europe, I was ready to get back to American culture. And then something happened. I moved home and thought, "Is this what I was missing? Ok, I'm over it. Send me back." And now, more than ever, I am dying to move overseas again. That is all I can think about...and sometimes dream about. (Except in my last dream I was 20 mins late for my flight and they wouldn't let me on...talk about nightmare..haha...) I know hubby has only until May 2011 until he is done with his Masters in Social Work, then it's on to get a job..either through Civil Service in the military or through a sponsored employer in England. Come hell or high water, this time next year, we will be there!
2. Starting a family. For the first time ever(And do I mean ever) I'm ready to have a baby...it's all I can think about. I've talked to husband about this and he says we need to focus on the plan (England) but I know we can do both...realistically it would be smarter to wait until we're overseas...but I want to at least start trying..maybe in a few months.
I've begun the process of purging like crazy. I took today off (4 day weekend, thankyouverymuch) and have done nothing but clean and purge. I'm hoping to have a yard sale this weekend to make a little money and get rid of things that just need to go elsewhere. I know what it is like to move and have too much stuff..and unless we get a civil service job where they will pay to move us, we need to downsize. Immediately.
So, that's what's going on right now, dear readers. Thank you for your patience. I think after my four day break from work, I can finally regroup and think again..ok, maybe not! :) But I'm going to try.
Showing posts with label stress. Show all posts
Showing posts with label stress. Show all posts
Tuesday, September 7, 2010
Thursday, March 26, 2009
Wow. Drama.
Lots of things have transpired in the past couple of days and so I have been majorly stressed out. Luckily, things are getting better and back on track.
Tuesday I had a meeting with my boss about going over numbers. I'm in education but my job is sales. I hate sales. I was not supposed to be here as long as I have been but I've stuck around, job searching in the process, waiting until my probation officer job got the funding. With my current job, you either get it or you don't. More specifically you either are a top performer or you're not. I'm not. I don't like my job, I don't enjoy my job, I don't like what I do. I tried real hard when I started but I've never clicked with what I do. I'm okay with that, I know I won't be here much longer anyway.
Anyway, I had to go meet with the Boss of the school and talk about my performance over the past year. She's new in her position so we don't know each other very well. I got written up about my performance and my low numbers. Eh. Doesn't bother me, it's business. If you don't do well, you're going to get written up. I'm fine with that. In the mean time, I'm required to do some training modules (easy stuff) and they told me I needed those completed by Monday. Ok, not a problem I told them. What DID bother me is that the Boss proceeds to patronize me, talking to me like I'm a 12 year old who doesn't know the importance of finishing homework on time. I wanted to punch her in her face. This is basically how the conversation went:
REALLY? REALLY? I'm 26. Not 12. I've had six years of post-secondary education. I've been on my own since I was 19. I've lived in Europe for six years. I think I know how to handle two little training modules. I think I know time management thankyouverymuch.
In any event, they're going to monitor my numbers and if they don't improve after 30days, they are going to figure out what to do next. I'm not too stressed about it. I guess that just means I move to Texas a few weeks earlier. Not a big deal. I'm debt free. I have a nice amount of savings. I was over my job a month after I started it.
Anyway, later that night, I called my mom and told her about what happened at work. I told her that I am thinking about moving to Texas when my lease is up at the end of May, but quitting on Good Friday (what a GOOOOOD Friday that will be!!!). With my job, when you give your two weeks, they say thank you very much, today is your last day. And you get two weeks of pay. :) So I'm just going to bank that and relax until my move. Nice, huh?
My mom proceeds to hound me about the dogs. This has been a major issue with her; my parents have never had dogs. They don't know what to expect. They feel that they'll probably pee or chew up everything and I've told her that they're well-trained, house trained, and they're lap dogs. They're excited when I come home and then they want to cuddle. They're like toddlers in furry bodies, don't worry, it will be fine. We got in this huge argument about her materialism and how when I say that I finally want to move home (after being away for over 8 years) it's what about the dogs, what about this? Instead of, come home and we'll figure it all out later. "But we've spent $150,000 fixing up this house so that it is where we like it. We're protecting our investment."
I see where she is coming from. I do. I'm not stupid but at the same time, I'm their daughter. I'm asking for help for the first time ever. And she's creating all of these obstacles in her head and it makes me sick. It makes me want to just say forget it and stay here. Boyfriend said I could move in with him (because without a job, surely I can't afford rent!) and then I'd put my stuff in storage. I don't know what to do at this point. Right now my focus should be on the AFOQT, not this crap. Ugh, I don't know what to do.
Tuesday I had a meeting with my boss about going over numbers. I'm in education but my job is sales. I hate sales. I was not supposed to be here as long as I have been but I've stuck around, job searching in the process, waiting until my probation officer job got the funding. With my current job, you either get it or you don't. More specifically you either are a top performer or you're not. I'm not. I don't like my job, I don't enjoy my job, I don't like what I do. I tried real hard when I started but I've never clicked with what I do. I'm okay with that, I know I won't be here much longer anyway.
Anyway, I had to go meet with the Boss of the school and talk about my performance over the past year. She's new in her position so we don't know each other very well. I got written up about my performance and my low numbers. Eh. Doesn't bother me, it's business. If you don't do well, you're going to get written up. I'm fine with that. In the mean time, I'm required to do some training modules (easy stuff) and they told me I needed those completed by Monday. Ok, not a problem I told them. What DID bother me is that the Boss proceeds to patronize me, talking to me like I'm a 12 year old who doesn't know the importance of finishing homework on time. I wanted to punch her in her face. This is basically how the conversation went:
Her: "Now, you know you have to have those training modules done by Monday, right?"
Me: "Yes, not a problem"
Her: "Now you you know that it's your responsibility to have those completed. Your boss isn't going to be here on Thursday or Friday, if you can't get logged in for one reason or another, come to me and we'll get it figured out. If you can't get logged in and don't ask for help, you are responsible for having them completed by Monday, and that's not a good excuse."
Me: "I'm aware of that."
Me: "I'm aware of that."
Her: "Now, if you work until 7pm on Monday, don't wait until 5pm to start them."
In any event, they're going to monitor my numbers and if they don't improve after 30days, they are going to figure out what to do next. I'm not too stressed about it. I guess that just means I move to Texas a few weeks earlier. Not a big deal. I'm debt free. I have a nice amount of savings. I was over my job a month after I started it.
Anyway, later that night, I called my mom and told her about what happened at work. I told her that I am thinking about moving to Texas when my lease is up at the end of May, but quitting on Good Friday (what a GOOOOOD Friday that will be!!!). With my job, when you give your two weeks, they say thank you very much, today is your last day. And you get two weeks of pay. :) So I'm just going to bank that and relax until my move. Nice, huh?
My mom proceeds to hound me about the dogs. This has been a major issue with her; my parents have never had dogs. They don't know what to expect. They feel that they'll probably pee or chew up everything and I've told her that they're well-trained, house trained, and they're lap dogs. They're excited when I come home and then they want to cuddle. They're like toddlers in furry bodies, don't worry, it will be fine. We got in this huge argument about her materialism and how when I say that I finally want to move home (after being away for over 8 years) it's what about the dogs, what about this? Instead of, come home and we'll figure it all out later. "But we've spent $150,000 fixing up this house so that it is where we like it. We're protecting our investment."
I see where she is coming from. I do. I'm not stupid but at the same time, I'm their daughter. I'm asking for help for the first time ever. And she's creating all of these obstacles in her head and it makes me sick. It makes me want to just say forget it and stay here. Boyfriend said I could move in with him (because without a job, surely I can't afford rent!) and then I'd put my stuff in storage. I don't know what to do at this point. Right now my focus should be on the AFOQT, not this crap. Ugh, I don't know what to do.
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