Sunday, September 6, 2009

Work, Life, God, and everything in between

Well, I now have two part-time jobs which is very nice because it keeps me so busy. I do enjoy bathing and drying dogs but it is stressful, it is physical, and it is I definitely treasure coming home, showering, eating, and then heading to a desk job for 4 hours. Apparently they really like me out there and they're trying to find a way to keep me full-time.

As for the Air Force, I won't hear anything until the 21st. Still many weeks away but I am so close. I have debated what I am going to do if I get selected. On one hand I was completely ready to compromise my future to be with my new boyfriend...I know that sounds nuts. You don't have to tell me that. I know how he loves Texas and his job...he would never leave. I thought, "Hmm. Settling down near my family would be nice. And the fact that he's not going to leave is even better." But after the drama that has taken place, I think that I need to get out of here. I'm not finding the success so far that I had hoped, i.e. a full-time job, and I am trying to be patient. But the more time I spend living with my parents, the more I want to

Don't get me wrong, they are amazing people. I just don't have my space. I can't come home after a bad day and just do nothing because they want to know everything. I'm not used to that. I like to keep my bad days to myself, I like to have my space and my quiet time. I'm not getting that. So when I do not feel good and I just want to be alone it just makes my bad feelings amplified. I know that my parents care about me and they just want to be involved in my life but a 27 year old girl needs her own place. I'm trying desperately for that, my own place...but until a good paying, full-time job comes through, it's not going to happen.

Most of my days are filled with happiness anymore...but then there are the days that come, when I am sad, and I think of my situation. And I agree, it's pretty lame. I have it WAY better than most people. I live in a beautiful house in a great part of Dallas with two people who care for me and love me. I shouldn't be so down. Perhaps the reality of not being independent has really sunk in and that is hard for me to accept. I have always been independent. I have been on my own since I turned 19. I think marriage and children have been desiring that after being unmarried for 2 years now. I want to be settled again

I know that I have to move forward otherwise the desires of my past will be my desires...and that is no way to live. I'm not. I'm going to keep my head high, know that God has a plan for me, hope that the Air Force is in my future, and carry on.

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