Monday, March 9, 2009

I am REALLY worried...

My 13 year old cat Toddy is losing weight. This is not good. Last June my sweet baby Duke had a major attack of some sort and after rushing him to the ER and $900 later, I found out that he had lymphoma. :( The tumor was so big at this point and after doing major research on the Internet, I decided it was better for nature to take her course as opposed to putting my sweet angel through the treatment. I put him to sleep 08/08/08 and there is not a day that goes by that I do not miss him--some days are easier than others--other days I just yell, scream, and cry.

Toddy and Duke, in their normal position.

I adopted Toddy, Duke, and Nadine (who lives with my sister) at Cat's Protection in Stowbridge, England in September, 2001 when they were six years old. They were in a group of approximately 30 cats that were from a food tasting plant (cool, huh?) that has recently closed, and the ex and I picked Duke out because he was so big and beautiful with amazing green eyes and a white mustache. We picked Toddy out because of his gorgeous grey color, the fact that he looked like Christopher Walken, and chased bugs around and ate them.

My sweet angel, Duke.

From the beginning, I always knew that despite that fact that Duke was my favorite and seriously like my child, he was going to pass away first. It was a hard reality to come to when I found out he had cancer and when I had to finally put him down. I had an amazing night with him the night before--he had slept with me on my pillow (as he normally did) and I cuddled and talked with him all night telling him how much he meant to me and how much I didn't want to do what I had to. When I went to put him down, I was prepared and it wasn't as hard as I thought (although leaving him at the vet's was the worst part). Luckily boyfriend was with me and that made it a little easier. I had my baby cremated and now he is in an amazing green urn (to represent his eyes) in my living room.
Now Toddy is displaying the same symptoms of Duke; he has an increased appetite (this was due to the fact that the tumor was taking all the nutrition) and has lost weight quite rapidly. I think I can feel a large mass in his rib cage as well. I'm really scared and I don't want to have to deal with watching Toddy go down like Duke. Up until the end, Duke was in such good spirits and was so loving and cuddly, it made it difficult to finally say, okay, he needs to go. But the problem was Duke was having bloody diarrhea and his gums were turning white, so I knew enough was enough.

I made an appointment with the most amazing vet in Tucson, she deals only with cats (and helped me with Duke), so I know he will be in good hands; I'm just worried she's going to tell me the same thing as I already think--he has a tumor. Since Duke passed away Toddy has become so increasingly clingy (he was always used to having another cat around to cuddle with and always was curled up with Duke) and sleeps with me, lays with me, and generally just wants to be loved.

Despite the fact that I have Ruby and Juno, if Toddy passes, I'm going to feel like the house is empty; that all of my cats are now gone and I'm moving onto a new stage in my life and I don't know if I'm ready for that. I've had Toddy for almost 8 years now, he such a significant part of my family, I'm just really upset about all of this.

Please pray for my sweet kitty, that he will get well and that he doesn't have cancer. Thank you for your thoughts.

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